Category Archives: Gardening

Jumping posts and tree stumps

Being single and new to Melbourne, I knew no-one. I decided to try meeting people by answering those “Personal Ads” that appear in the local paper. Many were probably weirdos but surely there had to be a few relatively normal … Continue reading

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Grandad, why’s the Emu on our coat of arms?

Granddad often pulled out his medals and stuff from the Great War and told us stories that Dad said were glorious. Frankly, my brother and I thought they just proved how crazy townies were. He had some official letter with … Continue reading

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Cop vs Beekeeper

This is actually a true story. I had been collecting swarms for the council for two years now. The battered old Ford was replaced by a four wheel drive Nissan Patrol wagon with custom lighting to the sides and rear … Continue reading

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The Ford’s floating floor

I went to the council offices to pay an instalment off our rates and while I was there I asked if there were any special council regulations about keeping bees. They said no because we were a rural property and … Continue reading

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Fake crocodiles in Victoria

On the farm we had four dams. Three were for farm water during summer and the fourth was all landscaped with picnic tables and an island in the middle, with a pergola covered in beautiful wisteria and planted with a … Continue reading

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Raw prawn settlement

In Australia we have a saying for a “bad deal” – we call it “a raw prawn” and here’s the reason why: After 14 years Bernie dumped his wife Carol, for his young secretary. His new dolly bird demanded that … Continue reading

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Charades in Thomastown

I worked at a car assembly plant in the 1990s. It was a good job at the start then the recession hit and they cut back on the work force. The reduced number of workers were harassed and conned into … Continue reading

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What fish?

Over several years, we enlarged the farm dam until it was a reliable small lake with a population of Redfin and yabbies. In Australia, because of the bush fire risk, just before the end of winter, we would gather all … Continue reading

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Dad, the Cop and the Orbit Flies

It was coming up to sunset and Dad was on the way home from the market in a hurry. The headlights on the Holden weren’t too reliable, the bulbs were fine but the switch sometimes (well usually) cut off for … Continue reading

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Pasquale and the Escargos

I used to have a flat in Carlton, in the early 1980s, back in the days when it was the Melbourne hub of organised crime. It was a really great place to live, being walking distance to the CBD but … Continue reading

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