Marketing Jargon – Avian relocation

I recently had to sit through a management meeting of marketing executives. Their goal was to increase the number of products sold so the company would make more money. There were so many buzz words, acronyms and gobbledegook going around that room, I thought I was going to drown in it. I haven’t seen so much B-S- since I was a kid on the farm in the milking shed.

Honestly these guys could make breathing sound like a logistical nightmare!
It got me wondering, what would the meeting sound like if their goal was something like, “Why did the Chicken cross the road?”

I imagine the summary of the meeting would read like this:

“After considerable discussion it was agreed that deregulation on the chicken’s strategic market share and therefore territorial limitations on it’s roadside location was challenging its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market if it was to maintain it’s dominance in it’s market niche. Symes and Hamiton Training Systems were engaged as Business and Marketing Consultants in a partnering relationship with the client,(S.H.T.S).
S.H.T.S, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using their Business Unity Logistical System (BULS).
S.H.T.S helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. S.H.T.S convened a diverse array of road analysts and best chickens along with S.H.T.S consultants with extensive skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering, successfully designing and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meetings were convened in natural environmental settings, conducive to creating a strategically based, industry-focused conceptual understanding of the target market niche and founded upon the concept of a consistent, clear, and unified market message, aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core business values. These outcomes were integrated into the future training programmes, so successful that a new partnership was created as Symes and Hamiton Integrated Training.
Since the Business Unity system is so diverse, a Business Unity Logistical Language (B.U.L.L) course has been developed and will be registersed for national accreditation on behalf of Symes and Hamiton Integrated Training. Thus upon completion the client (Chicken) will be accredited with the following qualification as :
Mr/Ms Chicken B.U.L.L.S.H.I.T.
Upon completion of this course and subsequent graduation the client can seek relocation to a point beyond the median, with a new territory, to further develop the newly available market niche.”

It just begs the question, exactly what do we pay our executives for . . . come to think of it, what exactly is an executive?

About Mimenta

Originally a teacher from NZ with a farming background I came to Aussie in 1981, from a cold wet Auckland, straight into the oven they call Brisbane and a chook farm owned by a rip-off artist who sent us broke. I fought up from the gutter, lost a wife, a business and gradually got back onto my feet. Along the way I met some colourful folks and had some great adventures and grew to love this great wide land of laconic people we call Aussie. I found my greatest asset wasn't my education or qualifications - it was my sense of humour and ability to record and relate those little things in life that are so precious and make us what we are - True Blue Aussies
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